I’m not talking about the seasons.
I’m talking about something in our past that we should put behind us to successfully begin anew.
I have a past that includes a rather dark and painful
period.
Perhaps you do as well, or if not you,
perhaps you know someone else who has such a past.
I learned a few things when rising again from my dark
period.
Perhaps we all do.
Perhaps – and I am not the first to have reached this
conclusion
– it is only in our worst failings and falling down that we acquire some of the most profound learnings in this life.
In my great fall, I struggled to get up again.
Coming out of my dark Winter, I struggled to find Spring again. I thought it might never come. But it did,
eventually.
Yet, there are still
times in this present season I am living in that my dreadful Winter past
returns to haunt me.
One of the most illuminating things my therapist ever said to me was this:
Some of life’s greatest roadblocks are not the ones we see
through our front windshield. They are,
instead, the roadblocks that seem to fill the rearview mirror.
We, imperfect human beings, lack control over our thoughts and may sometimes get “stuck” in the past. Even though we know better and we’ve heard all the psychological messages about refraining from that exercise, it still happens.
There are still times in my present life where, instead of focusing my thoughts on the opportunities of today, I allow painful memories to seep back in and sap my strength.
Is this relatable to anyone? Have you experienced this same inability to let go of painful moments from the past?
Sometimes the senses resurrect them – a
certain smell or an unwanted touch.
Sometimes, it is hearing a single word or a certain phrase- or how someone speaks or behaves.
And snap, I’m taken back to that reel of images playing in the rearview mirror.
If you can relate, I want to tell you something. You. Me. We’re not alone. I’ve had the unique opportunity to speak to so many who have also had a painful Winter. They also made it through their Winter and had the experience, a blessing, of getting to enjoy new beginnings – and many springtimes since.
But they, too, admit
the occasional setback. As one man I spoke to recently described it, "the memory movie" returning to haunt the landscape of our mind. Wow, that description struck a chord!
In my use of biblical references I tend to dip most frequently
into the Gospels
(preferring to quote the rabbi himself and rarely referencing the letters of that opportunist, Paul, who had the gall to not only convert to a faith he once bashed but then take it upon himself to pen his own doctrine for it half a century after the original rabbi
had departed).
However, there certainly are a few kernels of wisdom to be found in the epistles attributed to Paul that I find of value, such as:
“One thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind
and reaching forward to things which are ahead…”
This is a convenient suggestion Paul provided to the early Christians, is it not? I mean, after all, if anybody had a past best left behind, it was he.
(So, it seems I share a kinship with this apostle after all).
The wisdom of his words, spoken as they were from his own personal experience, are wise words. And we know that in our contemporary times, they are psychologically sound advice: forget those things which are behind and focus on what lies ahead!
Lest you think I couldn’t find a good one in the Gospels, I’d
like to remind those of us troubled, anxious souls who may be haunted by a dark
past of these words of Jesus:
“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth,
give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that, for many of us at least, what’s really behind our difficulty focusing on the present and the future has to do with forgiveness.
Whether we were the bad actor or the victim in that past Winter, we must forgive ourselves and those involved. This was a very difficult process for me. But
when we find
ourselves focusing too intently on the past, trust me, it’s a sure sign that we
need to focus, instead, on the need to forgive.
Focusing on the past is futile. No amount of anger or
bitterness can change what happened yesterday, a year ago, or ten years ago. Tears can’t change the past; regrets can’t
change it. Our worries won’t change the
past, and neither will our bitchin’ and whinin’!
Simply put, the past is, and always will be, behind us. Forever.
Summon the courage and the wisdom to accept your past and move on with your life. I’ve done my best to do exactly that, and I can tell you quite honestly it has been a wonderful Spring - one filled with new beginnings.
I had
to rebuild much of my life after that Winter passed. I took that opportunity to
be selective, thoughtful, deliberate, and motivated to take in and around me
habits, interests, hobbies, and activities that were fulfilling and personally edifying.
Once we make peace with our past, we are free to become fully
engaged in the present. And when we become fully engaged in the present, we are
free then to focus on the future and building a better life for ourselves.
If you’ve endured a difficult Winter,
learn from it, but don’t
live in it.
Instead, forgive yourself
and those involved in that past Winter, and move on.
Build your future on a firm foundation of refreshing
matter-of-fact honesty --
say quite frankly,
it is what it is,
it happened and it’s behind me –
and live your new Spring
with
Joy (after all, you made it through that, hallelujah! What a blessing!) and
Contentment (know that you are a good person, you are loved, you are special).
I enjoy reading your comments
on my monthly meditations. [Email]
_________________________
December
November
- Personal Responsibility
(Most viewed Meditation) - The Mysterious Death
of Anton Janyska - November 22, 1963,
as my Mom remembered it
October
September
- "Why Christians Must Speak Out
Against Christian Nationalism"
(Most commented upon Meditation)
July
______________________________________
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