For Happier Living
I am resolving in this coming year to prioritize
my self-improvement practice
of social and media asceticism.
Practicing social and media asceticism has made me a much happier and fulfilled individual.
This intentional way of living my life has
- freed me of the frustration and anger I had previously experienced stemming from forced engagements with people whose voices I do not agree with, and
- allows me to focus instead on the self-improvement activities that I personally enjoy.
You're wondering, as usual, what the hell is Terry on about? What is asceticism? What is social and media asceticism?
Asceticism comes from the Greek word askeō: “to exercise,” or “to train” and the term refers to a conscious choice by an individual to practice denial – that is, the denial of specific desires in order to attain a spiritual ideal or goal.
The Virtues of Asceticism |
Throughout history hardly any religion has been without at least traces or some features of ascetic practitioners -- think Buddhist monks, the Essenes in Judeo-Christian history, or other groups that withdrew from society into residences meant to foster inner contemplation and spiritual growth.
While the religious viewed this practice of self-discipline as a path to spiritual enlightenment or a way to get to a closer connection with the divine, others in our past have viewed ascetic practice as a method to gain control over human desires and impulses, developing a deeper sense of inner peace, discipline, and self-mastery.
Well, as it happens, asceticism has not disappeared. Present day forms of discipline are centered around things like keeping fit, including rigorous workouts or going to the gym, and controlling one’s diet. And, yes, still today many practice the discipline because they are seeking some spiritual goal.
MY PERSONAL GOAL:
At age 50 I began to reflect on
the kind of thinking and particular things
in my own life that I knew were unhealthy and that I wanted to eliminate –
believing that, in doing so, I could improve not only my physical health but, as well, my psychological and emotional well-being.
Hopefully, in turn, by eliminating those thoughts and things, I can improve the quality of my relationships with others – and this includes my relationship to the eternal Spirit I accept as present in my life and in all living things.
Have I been 100% successful in abstaining from those unhealthy things and thoughts – no.
But I have not let that deter me from choosing to reset and begin again each time with more determination.
Because I have found great benefits in my personal life in this practice, I felt compelled finally to talk about it in this month's Meditation. I also want to share with you what the science says regarding the benefits of ascetic practice.
Lest I risk boring you with my own personal baggage – big reveal here:
I have struggled with my share of addictions, in two separate decades of my life - in my 20s and again they suddenly resurrected in my 40s.
During those two crazy chapters of my life story I could find little time for exercise and the time required in the kitchen for healthy meal preparation and so the combination of the unhealthy diet, lifestyle and risky behaviors were detrimental.
Hitting rock bottom at 50 and finding myself in a terrible life situation, with all of the external consequences of my behavior encircling me, I began doing some much-needed internal soul searching. How had I fallen this far? What was really going on inside me, in my head, that led me down this path?
I'm not sure this will be understood but I discovered there is great irony in the rare reward the outcast finds in his forced, then relished solitude.
Diogenes - Outcast, Cynic, Ascetic |
If you have any interest in pursuing an ascetic discipline in your own life, know that this is the first step that I recommend:
Identify why you need such challenging practice in your life – what is it you’ve noticed about yourself, your thoughts, your physical and emotional health that you know needs changing
and ask yourself if you are truly ready to change that and commit to this method of personal self-control. If the answer is yes, then here is the next step:
Love Yourself Enough to
Eliminate the Distractions in Your Life
You're not going to like hearing this, much less doing this. Your friends and family are not going to understand and you may lose a few along the way. Are you ready for that?
You must eliminate unhealthy distractions – and it won’t be easy. Before I identify the specific distractions, I want to tell you about my process.
Difficult, yes, but I personally have had a very rewarding experience in this process. By eliminating former distractions – and, let’s face it, that’s what those unhealthy addictions were – I then found myself more and more appreciative of the quality time I now spend in solitude.
It is AMAZING what all I have been able to accomplish - in my home, on the property, checking off my bucket list of remodeling projects, books, trips, and income-generating activities.
As well, I began doing a lot of meditation and reflection. For example, I reflected on my ages of early development in that wonderful home I grew up in that, like all homes, had its human flaws. I reflected on the beliefs and mindset that formed as a consequence during those developmental years and that began guiding my choices in school, work, and play and, ultimately, formed my own unique outlook/perspective/worldview.
Not all bad. But to be honest, I could now see the aspects of my thinking that were at the root of my bad choices.
One of the many revelations that came from this -- and perhaps the most surprising for someone with my ego -- was the masked self-loathing I carried inside. That revelation (and here I have to credit a dear personal friend of mine for helping to bring that acknowledgement to the surface) would inevitably lead to the necessary work I knew I had to begin.
Mental work and relationship work addressing repressed emotions like shame, guilt, and anger. I became aware through study and inner contemplation that only in addressing that past -- which meant doing the difficult thing of forgiving others and forgiving myself -- could I then move forward and truly care about my self again and cease in my destructive behaviors.
However, it wasn’t enough to eliminate the unhealthy addictions I mentioned, then I began to recognize all the other distractions that were keeping me from living a life truly in alignment with my spiritual values.
It is not enough to simply say, “I have faith," or "I follow such-and-such faith.” Dedication to the teachings and practice of any spiritual faith requires courage and strength and discipline – and all of that is tied up in your thoughts and actual behaviors. If your thinking and behavior are at odds with the teachings of the faith you say you follow, you’re a hypocrite. And if you don’t love your self - who you actually are as a human being - then you’re not going to be motivated to live in the way that your faith requires.
Spend a moment reflecting on this next sentence of mine. It's a mouthful, so dissect it in parts:
If we don’t truly love who we actually are then we are incapable of attaining the motivation and courage required to live out our convictions (beliefs) that, de facto, generate the personal integrity and happiness that define a meaning-full life.
How can one be happy with themselves, love themselves truly, if deep down inside they know they're not living out or speaking words aligned to what they say they believe?
Living a life aligned to one’s spiritual values requires eliminating distractions – those things and people that pull you in an opposing direction.
Get rid of the distractions!
Here I am meaning what we take into our gut and in to our mind:
#1.
Step away from the News,
especially the angst-inducing reports on social media platforms (mostly fake stories meant to stir up your negative emotions).
One of the best books I’ve read is The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. The most helpful thing I got from the book and I use it all the time is the wisdom about the circles – you know, there is the circle we live in where there are the things we can control, and then there’s that outer circle with all the things we have no control over. You cannot control what has happened, it's in the past, and you cannot control what people are going to do. You can only control how you react and what choices you make. So stop worrying about everything around you.
Understand that and learn to move on from all the superfluous noise you’re being bombarded with on news and social media and you’ll find yourself much happier.
Media asceticism is an attempt to control the flow of information we consume through digital channels. People can completely reject social networks or limit the time spent on them. Media asceticism also includes the filtering of news and the development of personal rules for consuming news such as paying attention to the sources of your information, the clear bias of that source, and the integrity and credibility of the journalism.
from toxic family members, friends, and acquaintances
I love my family very much. They stood by me in that low period I spoke of earlier. But I quickly learned in the adoption of my new practice and goals that it would be necessary to distance myself from certain individuals – acquaintances and family members – whose worldviews and talk ran counter to my own spiritual discipline.
Not letting toxic words & behaviors spread or appear "acceptable" in your family, in your workplace... begins with you. |
Social asceticism, much like media asceticism, seeks to abstain from harmful voices entering our head. The point is to filter social connections and revise social circles, removing unnecessary people – for example, those who one finds ideologically incompatible, or simply those whose company is not as pleasant as it once was.
Based on the logic of social asceticism, one should not accept all invitations, and it is best to avoid meeting toxic relatives.
Quality of communication is more important than quantity alone.
As someone who fears the early onset dementia that struck my parents, I know about the importance of socialization. And so there is this constant tension/weighing that I do regarding yes, Terry, you need to engage with others in socialization, but also I am being tempered in that goal with my increased awareness of words and viewpoints that I now intentionally choose not to absorb.
· #3.
Desire Causes Suffering |
that we know are short-lived and
only lead to my wanting more in quantity or frequency.
Fasting is usually associated with the ascetic discipline and I’ll share this personal anecdote: After getting clean and healthy again, at 53 I began a health regimen that included going back to the gym, strict diet, and a 72 hr. fast performed every 3 weeks. The first time I did the fast I thought I was going to die - it was awfully hard. Yet, so it was that at 53 – 58 I was the leanest and most defined physically than I had ever been in my life. And I felt great!
Motivating me then and even today - because I still regularly engage in periods of caloric restriction [CR] - was what I read about the association between CR and both mental acuity and the aging process.
Religious ascetics, often living in monastic communities, have provided long-term opportunities to observe the effects of CR, or fasting, in humans. Tibetan medicine has made use of observations, which include that of enhanced immune function, in its dietary prescriptions. In the hopes of reaping these benefits for the general population, scientists focusing their research on the aging process are touting the benefits of CR. To learn more about the fascinating revelations medical science has discovered related to the benefits of CR and/or fasting, I encourage you to see: https://myacare.com/blog/caloric-restriction-and-longevity-how-less-equals-more-over-a-lifetimez and https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19735237/
9 Ways to Eat Clean |
I do my best to engage in Clean eating, usually defined as the practice of avoiding refined sugar and processed foods. Adherents of this practice prefer to eat whole foods, preferably farm-based and organic, and refuse to consume fast food and junk food, processed foods, canned food, industrial sweets and pastries, and even juices from the package. They avoid dining out and try to cook at home to know the exact composition of the dishes and eat only freshly prepared food. Without a doubt I know this has made a huge difference -- in my energy level, my clarity from morning til nighttime, and my cholesterol levels!
SUMMATION
are built on our desire for things and experiences
that we do not have...
that have evolved in human history
instructs us to eliminate our desires..."
"The Four Stages of Desire,"
Psychology Today; October 2015.
In our modern society, ongoing overstimulation is often seen as the ultimate path to happiness. As a result, people frequently engage in overeating, drinking, purchasing unnecessary items, smoking, taking drugs, and engaging in promiscuous behavior because they believe they need these stimuli to feel happy.
However, when this high level of stimulation is absent or decreases, particular as we grow older, individuals may feel as though something is lacking in their lives. They may believe that they are not living life to the fullest, leading to unhappiness and a continuous desire to maintain high levels of stimulation. This cycle of overstimulation ultimately leads to unhappiness, as it is both impractical and often impossible to sustain a high level of stimulation indefinitely. Despite this, many unhappy individuals still attempt to do so, resulting in emotional exhaustion, self-destructive behaviors, and an unsustainable lifestyle.
That is what happened to me.
Asceticism offers an alternative perspective by helping individuals find contentment with relatively low levels of stimulation. By embracing simplicity and not feeling the need to constantly pursue extraordinary experiences, ascetics can find happiness and satisfaction regardless of the amount of activity in their lives.
One final point - regarding Pain.
Asceticism is sometimes clarified and divided into two types:
- Natural asceticism– a way of life in which the material aspects are reduced to the utmost simplicity and minimum, but without the mutilation and severe austerities from which the human body suffers.
- Unnatural asceticism– a practice that involves self-infliction of pain, such as sleeping on nails or self-mutilation.
So, what about the benefits of enduring some pain in our lives? Might I suggest there can be benefit in creating a new relationship with pain or discomfort in your life in order to achieve a long-range goal or a deeper sense of appreciation for something. Asceticism teaches individuals to be comfortable with certain levels of pain and discomfort, which in turn makes other forms of pain less significant.
For example, if breaking a favorite tea cup would have previously caused great distress, an ascetic mindset allows for the ability to replace it without dwelling too much on the loss. I personally like to make it a goal to keep my electric bill low and can appreciate attaining that goal by sacrificing the use of my HVAC unit as long as I can tolerate either in the summer or winter!
These are my reasons for recommitting myself to ascetic practice, in particular social and media asceticism. By denying myself certain worldly pleasures and rejecting toxic voices
I find I am able to better focus on my internal spiritual life and enriching my mind – through meditation, reading philosophical or theological essays, and my own writings - as well as accomplish a list of practical goals with home and property. This is probably why asceticism can be found in virtually every culture and religion worldwide throughout history –
it creates the space and opportunity in one’s life to accomplish not only practical goals, but fosters higher pursuits and contemplations.
_________________________
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Terry’s “Good Living” Guide:
Avoid the 3 PsBsSs
Processed Foods, Phthalates, Plastics;
Beef, Butter, Breads;
you’ll be feeling better in no time!
Avoid the 3 F’s
misinformation, fear, anger and hate!
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